Ready for a Rainbow??

How do you know when its the right time to try again? That you’re ready and not just anxious?
On the one hand, I should still be pregnant now and I loved being pregnant, we already decided we want a baby so all of that decision process has been done, yes we want a child. But on the other hand Cass shouldn’t even be born yet, so being pregnant with another seems strange when I should still be carrying him. And that’s only after: wondering if I’ve conceived this month, will my period come tomorrow, did I remember to take my vitamins today.. Cause god knows its not as simple as just deciding we’re ready and then poof it happens here’s a baby. I know there’s nothing physically wrong with me, I know it, yet it feels like there’s so much wrong.
Then there’s the first trimester yuckiness, starting all over again with the size milestones, “it’s the size of a grape now”, and all that. Having my 3rd first scan in under 14 months. Worrying if there’s a heartbeat, praying they are growing and will start kicking soon.
Before it was always a case of ‘what if it doesn’t happen this month’ but now we’ll also have ‘but what if it does’ both outcomes are now equally terrifying. No one in my position wouldn’t be a nervous wreck throughout a pregnancy following loss, that’s what I have to prepare for; to be worried every day. I suppose there is no right time for that.
The big question is am I ready to hope again? To let in the potential for another heartbreak.

2 thoughts on “Ready for a Rainbow??

  1. Someone told me after my loss that when the desire to try again is stronger than the fear that something could happen again is stronger that’s when the right time to try is. I am currently finishing my first trimester with our second baby and it’s scary but we also knew we wanted to try as soon as we got the Drs approval. Good luck with this next step of your journey.


  2. Three weeks ago (to the day, as it happens) I lost my twins at 16+4 weeks gestation so we’re currently considering the same question… when do we try for our rainbow? I know from a physical point of view I have to wait 2 cycles. Some would probably consider it too soon, but I actually have an appointment with my fertility specialist next week to find out where we go from here and what the options are. Since I’m 35 with unexplained infertility I feel like time isn’t on my side and I still want to have a family. We’re hoping to be able to go ahead with IUI again around December/January time. Right now, I think I’m more worried about never being able to get pregnant again than I am that I’ll lose the next one as well, although if I actually do get pregnant I’m sure I will start worrying about losing it again.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s